Posting and Momming Are Hard to Do!

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So, yes, it’s been quite some time since I posted. Turns out my priorities do not include blog posting at the top of the list, and for that I am thankful! God has blessed me with many other things to be busy with, and when all of that is pushed aside, I get to spend time with my Lord and my family. 

But here is what I think of that (as my daughter is making silly noises and climbing up and down the futon this very moment… she is so amazing and for this reason, this post will be a QUICK one), I do not in any way spend enough time with my Lord and my family. In fact, I think it is impossible to do. The saddening thing is that I don’t make an effort to spend more time with the God who created me. Why do I do that? Why do I fill my day with a lot of things that won’t matter at the end of the day instead of living every. single. moment of it with God, with His beloved Son, and His Holy Spirit? It’s just plain stupid, especially when He wants to spend this time with me. Little, insignificant me.

(Pause for a moment while I feed my daughter her breakfast.)

The thing is, I can do all the tasks I need to do and spend time with God. That is how He designed our lives to be, after all. If we are performing every act according to God’s will, then every act will be working toward His will and His will for others. Amazing. It’s amazing how He so perfectly designed all of our lives, and intertwining with millions of others.’ 

So, what do I need to do this morning in order to give my day in all its entirety to Him? Well, for starters I can wake up and tell God just that. I must start every day in prayer, telling our Lord that I give myself to Him today and all His works for I am His. But I can’t stop praying there. It is difficult to do, and it will take a lotttt of hard work and patience, but it is possible to live the entire day in prayer. This is what you and I should strive for. In everything we do, we should be talking to Christ. How else can we know that we are doing just what He wants us to do?

I’ve always had a relationship with Christ, and I’ve had times where I’ve felt close and times where I’ve been far from Him (by my own decisions, of course), but I realized just how close you can become with our Lord after I started reading about the Saints. There is a book of meditations put together of St. Faustina’s, and once you read just a few of them, you will understand what I mean. I don’t know how close you all are to Jesus Christ, but I’m guessing many of you might feel similar to the way I felt reading St. Faustina’s diaries. After reading some of the diaries, I thought, “Wow. She must be really close to God to have these conversations with HIm. I have a looong way to go if I truly want to be a saint myself.” It was good I read them, though, because now I see a glimpse of just how close you can become to God in this life. His love is infinite, and we can never run out of love for Christ, just as He never runs out of love for each and every one of us. It is a beautiful gift, and He gives it to us freely. 

For this reason and at least a billion others, I encourage myself and all of you to start your day in prayer, saying to God, “Lord, I give my heart, body, and soul to you, as well as this day. I am yours. Please use me as a tool to bring your children home to you. Thank you for your unending love and mercy.” Amen.

P.S.The link to St. Faustina’s book is here: http://www.catholiccompany.com/diary-saint-maria-faustina-kowalska-divine-mercy-my-soul-i8063/?sli=1003833&aid=1080&new=yes

My Original Journal Entry: What Would Mary Do?

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jesus bath

July 2, 2014 5:00 a.m.

I hear our 14 month old daughter crying out from our bedroom… our bedroom. That’s right. She sleeps in our bedroom and we love it. This is the 5th night of “weaning” my daughter from her mid-night feedings in an attempt to get more sleep… more sleep for me… for my husband… for my daughter. Although, she has no trouble catching up on sleep throughout the day. Is this the right thing to do? Am I being selfish?

I often find myself asking these questions, but more importantly, I ask myself, “What would Mary do?” Our start to parenthood began on slightly different feet. An angel never appeared to me. My news came shortly after our honeymoon and a fun-filled 23rd birthday, which regretfully involved adult beverages. Yikes. Mary, pray for me. Am I anything like you? No, no. My daughter wasn’t born in a cave. We were in a clean, spacious hospital room. I didn’t even experience labor. Edith was breach, and I was forced to have a planned c-section, which involved an epidural and multiple healthcare professionals. Mary, you had a stable and a husband.

Wow, we are so different. But can we be the same? Is there some way? Despite the world I live in? This world is so complex. There are so many ‘choices.’ I am a woman and I have these so-called ‘rights.’ I have access to millions of facts and opinions just by typing a word into my laptop, tablet, or smart phone. I am expected to have a degree and a career. Being a mother and a wife isn’t enough in today’s world. In this world, if I devote myself to just those roles, I am looked down on. I am called lazy and a failure by some. If I don’t bring in some income, there is no way we can ‘afford’ to have a large family. And even if we have a large family, we are called ‘uneducated.’ “Don’t we know what causes that?” “Have we ever heard of birth control?” (I will write on these topics in the future.)

But Mary, you had a stable and a husband. And the most beautiful Creation on His way. You were a wife. You are a mother. Did you ever feel you needed to be more? Did you ever feel inadequate? You must’ve felt a lot of pressure, being the Mother of God and all. It couldn’t have been easy. However, you did have the Perfect Son.

Let me ask you this Mary. Did Jesus walk on time? You know what I mean. I’m sure His pediatrician told you that most children walk by 15 months, and really, if He’s not walking by the time he turns 1 then you probably hold him too much or you’re just a lazy mom. 😉

So, like I was saying, we are living in completely different worlds. How can our lives be anything alike? I know, however, by the grace of God, it can be possible. I can and will be more like you, more like your Son. And that is why, with prayer, discipline, God’s blessings, and asking myself questions every day, like “What would Mary do,” I am going to become more like you, Mary.

Edith’s First Steps

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Last evening, my husband was filling Edith’s bath and I was responding to a text. I look up from my dreadful phone to find my daughter standing on her own, a few steps away from the ottoman with her new wooden rosary from Papa and Grammy Sue in hand (Edith has this obsession with rosaries, she kisses the tiny little Jesus on the crucifix, does prayer hands…the girl’s destined to be a Saint, I tell you!). I see my husband, jaw dropped at the entrance to the hallway. We are both in utter disbelief/excitement! Our sweet daughter/very first child/light of our lives just took her first steps!!! These were long awaited, as Edy’s been sooooo close for months! We honestly thought she was going to start walking several months ago, but she just never mustered the confidence to let go of our hands. I dropped my phone and swooped her up in my arms as Ryan rushed over to us. It was such a beautiful moment. I was fighting back my tears, we were all SO happy and proud. Edith was surely joining in these emotions as she giggled away at our high-pitched squeals of approval.

My daughter is growing up. I’ve never known a 1 year old as smart as her. She catches on so fast to everything. She knows some sign language, points out her body parts when asked where they are, has been learning new words since she was a tiny 4-5 month old, and nods yes or no when asked questions. But walking and crawling, these things took extra time for her. I hated that sometimes I would feel jealousy when I’d hear about other kids younger than her walking and that I felt judged when other moms would point out that she wasn’t walking yet. I feel like a lot of moms think I’m lazy or I hold her too much. Is there a such thing as holding my child too much? Are not all moms as obsessed with their children as I am with her? When it comes to parenting, I tend to ask myself the question, “what would Mary do?” Would Mary let Jesus “cry it out?” Would Mary still be breastfeeding? Would Mary spank Jesus? This question always helps me with the THOUSANDS of parenting decisions that come my way daily. Even though Mary and I live in completely different times, I still think her methods must apply to my life, just as the “old and outdated Bible”(as some might refer to it) does. 

Anyway, we knew she would learn in her own time and that we are proud of her every day, no matter what. She doesn’t have to be the first to accomplish milestones. At the end of the day all we want is for her to know how tremendously she is loved. By mommy, by dada, and most of all, by Jesus.

Becoming.

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I was up in the middle of the night amid dry socket pain, as I listened to my mind do its rounds. I often have a hard time falling back to sleep anyway when I let my thoughts go. Is that just a womanly thing, or motherly, or just plain insomnia? I don’t know. But I decided it was time to start writing. Here I am married with a one year old daughter and indescribably joyful. God has surely blessed me in this life, and I am only 23. I don’t want to forget these feelings. I got up, grabbed a notebook and just started writing (an action I used to really love until a high school teacher and college screwed that up for me). I wrote for an hour at 5 in the morning, and I must say, it felt good. But I needed something more permanent and less blistery for my hands. My idea is to write about my experiences as a wife and mother, as well as my journey to becoming closer to God and more like our Lord’s mother, our Mother as well. After all, she is the mother of JESUS, and she is the perfect one… never even stepping outside of God’s will for her, not even one itty bitty tiny baby step. I figure maybe after I write for about 20 years, I’ll have enough experience to turn it into a book. If not, then hey, it’ll be cool to look back, reminisce, and see just how much I’ve grown as a person, especially as a mother, wife, and disciple.